Another continued...

This blog has been a plague on my mind. I’ve released too many feelings on here…too many personal thoughts. What used to be an escape and way for me to organize my thoughts has turned into one of the last venues for me to talk to you. It’s sad, I think. I’m not sure what exactly what is so sad. Maybe I feel that we are drifting away, yet neither of us has the courage to say the words. I don’t know why. I don’t want to hurt her, and maybe she feels the same. Is it better to hold onto something based on feelings, or is it better to let go of the one you love so she finds happiness? From when I first met her until now, she seems different. She felt more joyous when I first met her, so lively and her mind was clear. Now, after befriending me again, she seems void of life.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Without her, I feel lifeless and always have one thought on mind. With her, life is kinda still. I’m not sure what it is. Sometimes we come upon really great subjects in which we get into a great discussion, but then she stops. I am not exactly the brightest person. Most times I need guidance. Maybe I need too much guidance, and that is one thing I failed to mention in the last post. Because I missed out on dating, and became a loner, I just missed out and need to regain about ten years of experience. It’s strange. I felt that, if I remained myself and did the moral and correct thing, I could please everyone. But perhaps that does not work out with giving a girl what she wants. Eh…I don’t know. I would love it if she would be more open with me…get angry with me, tell me everything she’s feeling and knows. Maybe she’s afraid that if she gets angry with me, I’ll get angry with her and in turn do something horrible. I don’t think I could…not with her. I’ve gotten so mad and lost my temper with so many people in the past for the smallest of things. There may be reasons I could get angry with her, but I can’t. I guess I do treat her very differently than anyone else, and that is because I don’t want to lose her. Even if were only friends. Sigh…this is just a strange thought…sigh…sigh…and another sigh…