A 7-Month Revelation

And just because the title is close to 9 months does not mean I found out I'm the father of someone's baby. Last I checked I haven't slept with anyone in the past 9 months. Forget everything I've written before about that girl and the time capsule idea. Sure, I wrote that poem about her and that story was also about her, but in the end those are fictional. Even that girl who betrayed my friendship no longer matters.

Today...I got in touch with an old friend from China. I always considered it fate that I met her. Back in the summer of 09, I went to China and climbed Mt. Huashan, or 华山, for the Chinese literate. And...that mountain is a hell of a climb. Eight hours up and eight hours down just to see the sunrise or sunset, depending on when you begin climbing. So I went up the mountain on July 3rd and saw the cross into China on the 4th. Good stuff...good stuff...just some background information. Climb down the mountain with no sleep and barely any rest, a few thousand stars and about 4 kilometers, my thighs and calves killed.

I'm not getting into details about that climb...just that I nearly died of exhaustion. My bro, his friend and I got to the bottom of the mountain around noon...having started at 6. Climbing down is faster...

So we are supposed to leave for the train to Guangzhou on the 7th, but we missed the train cause we slept in. We manage to get train tickets for the 8th, and we rush to train station. Fortunately, we make it on the train. Now...this is the tricky part...

This is where I saw her. The first time I ever saw her. She was climbing down a ladder to the top bunk, dressed simply yet her clothes didn't hide her beauty. A plaid shirt, tied at the bottom with a black undershirt and simple white pants. I remember comparing her shirt to a picnic blanket, and she was wrapped neatly in a picnic blanket that it suits her. She was just so perfect...a rounded heart shaped face and hair falling evenly on both shoulders. I'm a shy guy...so it was natural for me to not engage her. At the same time...my Mandarin sucks. So communication wasn't gonna get very far.

Throughout most of the ride, I sat reading books and she sat next to me. She would often look at my party when we spoke English with our American friend. Finally...she began speaking to us...in English. What stunned me was not that she was fluent in English, but she didn't have an accent.
"Yes." "Of course." I loved the way she said those words. And the further we talked...the more intrigued I was with her. But I still couldn't bring myself out of this shy-guy zone...then we began playing her first game of UNO. She had a friend with her as well...and she played UNO with us. And all this while...I couldn't stop staring at her eyes. They were like marbles, the ones you "play for keeps." They weren't dark brown like Chinese eyes, nor were they bright like European eyes. Instead, her eyes would shift colors depending on the light. Sometimes hazel, other times green. Other times silver. Her eyes were glazed by the sunlight...just so magnificent.

Anyways...we exchanged QQ numbers and I fell in love with this girl. I don't even know how...we just spoke at 10 am (EST) and I shared little things with her. Somehow, I tried to bring us closer. Tried to be more open with her. Be that strong American guy...making that 13 hour difference and 12,500 miles seem like centimeters and seconds away by computer. 88...99...11...889911...

维C宝宝11:12:44 AM
will change your face ?
or hold a mask?
Tommy 仔11:12:54 AM
only wear a mask
维C宝宝11:13:26 AM
what does it look like?
which color
Tommy 仔11:13:36 AM
that's a secret! if i tell you, you might tell other people!
维C宝宝11:14:11 AM
no ,i wouldn`t!
Tommy 仔11:14:39 AM
haha
Tommy 仔11:14:45 AM
you really wanna know what it is?
维C宝宝11:15:02 AM
you tell me ,so i will not beat you when i see "the mask hero"
Tommy 仔11:15:30 AM
这是一个 "不能说的秘密" ("This is a secret that cannot be told" reference to Jay Chou's Secret)
维C宝宝11:16:22 AM
是一个 你不知道的秘密 (This is a secret even you don't know)

That always makes me smile..."是一个你不知道的秘密..." she's the first person I told her eyes were so beautiful...and I don't know how or why I fall for girls. Friends ask me...and I describe the relationship I have with them. Is that not enough to define why we like people, or is there an underlying secret I don't know yet? Yet I've never managed to tell her how I feel because...even though we are only a computer screen and keyboard strokes away (also webcam and mic), we will always be 13 hours apart. I'm remembering now how I played the piano for her...in real time on webcam. The look on her face when I began was simply...unbelievable. I didn't want to play the piano...I just wanted to see her fragile smile, her glasses...just to see her animated expression...

Friends tell me to go for it...but I don't want to lose what I have. Then we say "take the risk. do something." What if I mess up? What happens to the 7-months I've known her? Where does the18-hours I spent with her on the train go? In the end, I'm still extremely Americanized and I try not to influence her. Cause honestly...I don't like the Americanized me. Most times...it bugs me...

So today...after I talked to her on QQ...typed, rather...I signed off. A few short moments after, she posted something 人人网 (the Chinese equivalent to Facebook) that she has liked someone for so long, yet does not have the courage to tell this person. Someone on 人人...and she wants her friends to help her. Maybe she's assuming that I can't read Chinese well...cause...well she knows I don't know Mandarin, but we do occasionally communicate in Chinese (written). With my broken pinyin and horrible way of translating things, we manage. She even posted a link to the person she likes...and being curious I clicked. It went to my profile...and I thought I did something wrong. I clicked again...back to my profile.

I don't understand why she would like me...out of all people...and that's what I usually ask is "why me?" I really don't consider myself anything special...I play pool, I write novels...occasionally photoshop, illustrator and flash...and learning to cook. But aside from that...I don't know what I do.

She wanted to come to America...for an internship...we worked together as far as we could to make her resume, her interview go smoothly. But she didn't get accepted...now she says she has liked this person for a long time. People say go for it...and I would...with her I could...but doubt overwhelms any other thought...

I honestly feel that fate allowed me to meet her. Had I gotten on that train July 7th, I would have missed her by a day. We slept three beds away from each other. It's the most...provocative idea...it's weird...now I'm rambling...