Prologue to a Time Capsule

About two years ago...make that three years ago cause that was freshman year, I met this girl. Let's call her TLH. Friends from last year will know who I'm talking about...but let's just keep her anonymous for now. What I really liked about this girl wasn't based solely on looks...she had a certain essence about her that was different. She's the only one that actually did this...and I'm not even sure why it was her...

I lived in the same dorm with her frosh year. I could never talk to her cause...obviously she was WAY out of my league. Haha sounds like high school or before...out of my league. Why not just be friends with her? Don't even bother going straight down and be "yo, let's go out some time." Is that even how you ask someone out? I have no idea but I don't think that's how you do it...

The first party I ever went to happened in college on Thirsty Thursday...and it was Toga Night. This was also the first time I drank...way back...in 2007? Yeah...it was 2007. So I go in and bam, everyone from my dorm is there. At least everyone from the second floor...the girl's floor.

"Omg! It's Tommy!"
"What the f are you doing here" "
I didn't know you partied!"
"I've never seen you at a party before!"
"Tommy's out of the cage!"

Yes, there was a time when I was that shy little boy who sat in the back of the room, kept his head down and took notes. But that night, I asked my friends to show me where the party was.

"Tommy...you want to party????"

So yeah...the girls from the second floor...as smashed as they were (they were probably just tipsy to be quite honest) gave me hugs for reasons I don't even know why. Remember...this is Tommy v1...without the social behavior installed. LAME.

Anyways...so I make my way to the living room where beer pong is happening...people are watching the game and there is TLH...how awkward was I. Yeah...I had a hidden crush for her for about a month (cause it was October)...and she goes, "OMG IT'S TOMMY!" I go out for an awkward handshake...she pulls me in for a hug going "this is how we do it at SOUTH HOUSE!" "Woot woot?"

Anyways...so I get drunk for the first time...don't really talk to her cause for some odd reason, I stick to morals and ethics as a drunk and don't hit on her...LAME.

Anyways...the next morning, she asked how I was doing. I had my first hangover...how the hell do you think I'm doing?

"I'm still a bit hungover," I say sheepishly, the two of us sitting by ourselves at opposite tables...we stay like that.

Anyways...she always asked my how I was doing after every time she saw me party...and we never actually socialized except for those events. Which is kinda lame if you think about it...I'm using alcohol as an excuse to let loose which is exactly what you're told in school about alcohol..."Beer doesn't make you loose." BULLOCKS.

So...well fast forward a bit...TLH got her hair dyed to which I commented....during the day in December when we were both sober and I was raffling at a table. I think she felt more awkward than me...cause we barely talked in real life. She'd just wave shyly behind windows or from afar, while I'd say "hi" in an itty-bitty voice that not even a butterfly can hear.

One time frosh year, my RA held a Chinese New Year's event for the dorm and I explained the holiday. Then he bought $100 worth of Chinese food and TLH goes "Tommy, you should have invited your mommy." To which...very awkwardly...I go, "Yeah...I should have." And I didn't even suggest making a phone call cause well...I'll explain that in a sec...

Next day...lunch...I've been contemplating this all day...whether or not to tell her to the truth. I'm going to get ice cream and I see TLH.

"Hi Tommy."
"Hey TLH. HEY!" but she walks away...I don't think she heard me. She did actually and came back while I'm scooping ice cream.
"Yes?" she asks, her eyes melting the ice cream from the cone.
"Um...I have something to tell you. I'm not sure how to tell you this...last night when you mention my mom..."
"Are you okay? You look like you're about to fall apart."
"Yeah...I'm okay. Um..." and I wonder why I never asked her to sit down while talking about this..."My mom passed away when I was young. And...I didn't want to say anything last night cause...I didn't want to make you feel bad."
Pause...we just look at each other.
"And...you're a cool person...I didn't want you to look bad in front of everyone...and...I'm sorry."
"Tommy..."
"I'll see you later."

Can you say FML? I'm not sure for her or for me...but one of us. How much more awkward could that get??? In a fuckin cafeteria? While standing? I think I ruined our fragile friendship with that one...

But then...let's fast forward more to sophomore year. Apparently...we moved in the same dorm...same floor. She informed of this happily...then it went back to the norm: awkwardness on the streets. But anyways...back when Casino Royale came out...my friends and I decided to walk the back way behind Edmunds to get there and guess who we run into walking up? TLH! Coming up from a party of some sort...she acknowledges me first. I'm too stupified to say anything...I didn't even offer to walk her back to her room and I couldn't stop thinking about it...

So the following day...going lower on the scale of courage...I ask her on Facebook if she's okay...
"Why not just go her her room dumbass? You both live on the same fuckin floor!"
She goes "yeah...lol..."
Guilt-ridden and more pathetic than normal...I apologize for not walking her back up the hill. I tell her she can call me if she needs someone to walk her up...quickly giving her my number...I log off. My roommate looks at me with sheer disappointment.

Even God...or some higher being...tries to help me. Back in February...I'm playing pool and get an invitation to attend an annual waltz held at UVM. I could bring a date...what a great way to ask TLH out...although I doubt she will accept. I have lunch...in an overcrowded cafeteria...and have my table. TLH's roommate...let's call her Ginger (cause I don't like using people's names) comes by.

"Hi Tommy, can I sit here?"
Which I happily go, "Yeah, sure-" then I see TLH behind her. Awkward pause..."Hi TLH"
"Hi Tommy."
If God was helping me...I should have asked her at that moment to the waltz. Nope...and instead...it was pretty awkward 15 minutes of lunch. I throw random stuff around...Ginger kept most of the conversation going.

That night...while at work study...I thought of asking her out on Facebook. LAME. So that's what...3 lames now? She didn't repond...I log off...go back to the dorm and her door is opened. I should go and ask her...nah...better not risk it. It's awkward already...how much more worse can it get? I decide not to risk it...lock the door to my room...and go "off line" on facebook.

I mean...there are lots of other things about her. She kept her hair dyed the same shade since I commented it...she used to have interesting Facebook status updates which I thought she made up...until I learned "If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me And just forget the world?" is from Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars. She even has this innocence to her...cause she's from the south.

And that's not racist in any way so don't think like that. I'm not saying where she's from cause then it might be obvious who I'm talking about other than the TLH nickname.

She's never seen a maple leaf in October...for all I know. Which I don't. But watching her play with a maple leaf during our class outside was the best thing to happen to that class. It inspired me to write a poem. Haha Lame again...

I'll write Part II next time...this is just the prologue so the next entry makes sense.